Dirty Pop

Per the request of one of "Taste Like Chicken"'s most avid readers, I'm going to fill you in on some of the popular culture phenomena that keep Chinese youth (age 16-30 are considered as "youth" here) entertained for hours on end. Why speak out against you're government when you've got KTV, prime time soaps and the one and only Justin Bieber to keep you going at night.

KTV

KTV, simply put, is karaoke. But this is not your neighborhood, "I'm fall-down drunk so I'm going to go to the front of the bar and mumble through some Celine Dion" type of karaoke. KTV (There is no translation, you just say "KTV") commences in a private room for you and your friends. The one that my boss invited me to attend was called Party World, and when I found out it was over 400 kuai an hour, I could not figure out why.

Then I walked into Party World. I thought we had accidentally stumbled into a five star hotel, with marble statues and chandeliers adorning every square inch and attendants in three-piece suits; this was some serious shit. After being ushered to our room, consisting of a wrap-around couch, a big screen plasma, two different song choice stations and multiple microphones that reach to every corner of the room. What then ensued was over 4 hours of finding out that I am no longer able to sing as a tenor, that the Chinese have the range of 12 year old Michael Jackson and that KTV is no time for fun, it is a time to showcase your skills as you search for fame, fortune and platinum records. Of course, some alcohol is involved, and by the end of the evening, the singing had turned into an all out dance party, complete with maracas, tambourines and lots bonding.

I also learned that there is no such thing as "just for fun" when it comes to certain hobbies. I'd seen this on the basketball courts and soccer fields here so far, but those are sports. Then we started playing pool every once in a while, only to run into a Chinese shooter at a bar who finished the game off in three turns, prompting me to buy him a beer which he refused to drink because he didn't want to throw his game off...seriously? And of course, my boss David adorned himself with a sign self-proclaiming him as the "King of Karaoke" and then did battle with a former colleague, singing multiple duets in both English and Chinese. While two dudes singing to each other may sound slightly homo-erotic, I liken it to Ali-Fraser, with no clear winner but obvious losers: all of our ear drums for the next three days. So next time someone tries to poke fun as you sing along to Gaga, or dismisses karaoke as gay, tell them they need to step into the thunder dome and show you what they've got, ya dig?

A Capitalist Love Story, From A Real Michigan State Spartan

I hear it everyday from those whose knowledge of China is, for political correctness' sake, very limited: "How's life with the commies?" I tell them everything is spectacular and that "the commies" aren't being too evil and I've only seen them sacrifice a few virgins...Then I dismiss this Cold War rhetoric and explain how things really are in the world's largest communist country.

In the States, when you go to the store to buy a bottle of water, if the price says 99 cents, taxes aside, you expect to pay 99 cents. If you tell the clerk that water is 89 cents down the street, they tell you that they could care less and that you can give them 99 cents or get the hell out...

Enter China: When we first arrived here, being fresh new pups in a big scary place, we were slightly naive. We were willing to pay 5 kuai for a beer or giant water bottle at our hotel's convenience store. Then we discovered the store right next door had the same beer and water for just 3 kuai; being college students and jumping at the chance to save 30 cents, we began cleaning out the store's cache of drinks. However, after a week or so of buying from this newfound oasis of frugality, our friendly hotel fuwuyuan(服务员, waiter/waitress or shop clerk) noticed that we had stopped frequenting the hotel's store. She stopped me as I walked in one evening and asked how much we paid for our beer next door. I explained to her that we paid just 3 kuai and she quickly put her arm around me and led me to the cooler, handed me a beer and told me "this one is free and from now on, always 3 kuai for you and your friends here." I was absolutely taken aback, wondering if her hands would be cut off for such a thing. But right there, in "commie China", capitalism was unfolding before my very eyes. I almost teared up, but I mostly just smiled because I had a free beer and I now had to walk 30 feet less to get my drinks.

This may seem like an overly-simplified situation, but it is indicative of the attitude and climate that rules Chinese business today. Beginning with Deng Xiaoping's "opening up" of the Chinese economy in 1978, continuing with Jiang Zemin's reduction of public ownership across practically every sector in 1997, and culminating with an extensive expansion of private property rights in 2003, China's economy seems to be anything but my ignorant friend's idea of communist. Some modern economic obstacles currently facing the country include healthcare overhaul, social security reform, environmental stewardship and renewable energy production. Wait? Healthcare reform and environmentally friendly energy production? Why those things aren't communist, their downright 'Merican (at least if you're a Lib)! Do you see it now? No everyday Chinese person would first identify themselves as a communist, and most of them, my fuwuyuan included, have no reason to; because they are capitalists.

China becomes more and more capitalist everyday. While it may be run by so-called communists, an emphasis on the common person isn't such a bad thing when that's the extent of the socialism. With liberal policies in place, China aims to undergo a self-titled "peaceful rise" to power, and rather than blind ourselves with our own titles for the Dragon Kingdom, the U.S. must recognize the potential for what could be a great and prosperous love story between the world's richest and most powerful nations. We need to hop on this love boat, or we will be left in the wake.

Make Way For Liberty

So I've decided I'm going to attempt three posts per week. I'm going to try to make them short, sweet and full of goodness for you to fill your brains with.

As you could've guessed, we made it to a 4th of July barbecue. It was put on by the American Chamber of Commerce and can best be described at an oasis of Western-ism in the middle of, well, a bunch of lakes of Western-ism.

One thing I have come to enjoy about this city is that if you are really missing home, it's not that hard to find, more or less, exactly what you're looking for, and sometimes it's even better.

What was I missing most? (Aside from my family and friends...well at least most of you!):Pizza, ranch dressing, ESPN, driving a car and cheap domestic beer. I know I know, proud staples of American-ism. So what did I do about it?

Well there are literally pizza places every other block or so, but have you ever had pizza with ketchup as the sauce? Welcome to Chinese pizza. Maybe the Pizza Hut will have real pizza...nope, it's a nice sit-down Italian restaurant with pizza resembling pita bread with cheese melted on top of it. But a little Swedish-run gem we found tucked into the side of two of our favorite night clubs has made all (okay two) of my wildest dreams come true: real pizza and caeser-like dressing that they call ranch that I close my eyes and eat and imagine as if I were in the frat with a Little Caeser's Hot'n'Ready, pure bliss.

So what about actual sports? The world cup has been a blast, but the amount of soccer (not football), volleyball, badminton and ping-pong I've seen is disturbing. Well, this wonderful thing called the internet (we'll nick name him Al G) knows exactly what I need, and Al G is always there to deliver. Sure, sometimes Al G is censored and youtube is nowhere to be found, but there are simple ways around this and, so long as you aren't being a pesky organizer, you're free to go about your sports watching business. I even enjoy watching baseball over here, so long as I get to here the "duh duh duh, duh duh duh" of sportscenter every once in a while.

Driving a car? Well that one goes along with the cheap domestic beer discovery. Major round-abouts in the city have sobriety checkpoints, even though it seems you need to be drunk to possibly navigate the way people drive here. But head to the local 沃尔玛 (Woerma...Wal-Mart!!) and pick up a three-pack of 600 mL 百威 (Budweiser, duh) and find the nearest go-kart track; Not only is drinking and go-karting allowed, it's encouraged as there is a bar built into the racing facility (told you, something cooler than America).

People might wonder why you'd want to travel to China just to find all of its Western comforts. This post is meant to show you that if you really miss home, this can be a home too. Chinese people feel towards their 老外 (laowai; lit. revered outsider. The colloquial term for a foreigner) that Chinese culture is rich with tradition and history. But they also welcome every person from everywhere and many many cultures represent themselves in many ways and places all over modern Beijing. Chinese hospitality towards foreigners, and especially Westerners, is unmatched; violent crimes against foreigners in China are virtually unheard of, and with over 70 million people expected to visit Shanghai over the course of the World Expo, "Eastern Hospitality" might be a term we start hearing more often.

You've Got Some Guanxi On Your Face...

Yes, I am making fun of Asians and their propensity to make peace signs, and yes, they still make them over here too.

This may be a brief one, but upon the pestering of many a reader (see: Mallory Totzke) I now know that I need to update more often.

I have been tremendously busy and, I'm assuming since you're reading this blog, that you'd like to know what is keeping me so busy. This past week has been a workaholic hell of a week as the boogie monster known as college sneaked (snuck?) up on me and reminded me that I needed to finish my 25 page research paper pertaining to LAST summer's internship by the 25th. I just squeaked it out, finishing it yesterday, but the teacher that is "reading" (grading) the paper is traveling and hasn't had a chance to even look at my draft, and since my grade didn't get into the registrar in time, I failed....That is, if the professor in charge of our field experience, these papers, and subsequently this trip, didn't happen to be in Beijing visiting us right now! I used my magical powers of persuasion to get yet another extension on the paper until the end of the summer and my addiction to procrastination can persist. It's on greenhouse gas reduction public policy and if any of you would like to read it, well then you must be batshit crazy because no human actually wants to read something like that.

Aside from scholarly BS, my regular busyness stems from a variety of sources. My internship is from 9:30-5:30 Monday through Thursday, I work on top of a three-story mall (girls, go to http://www.orientalplaza.com/eng/shopping/mall.htm and drool) in one of six giant office towers. Think about what you imagine China as, now imagine the exact opposite and that is where I work; there are pictures of models and athletes all over the walls and I just discovered how to work the espresso machine, so I'm just as spoiled here as always.

While all of you so-called adults out there will think that this schedule and setup is utterly ridiculous, listen to how I spend my Fridays: Chinese class starts at 9:30 and lasts for two hours; the teacher will not speak English and we will have one test over the entire summer's worth of classes to determine our grade. After class, I have time to grab lunch and jump right on the subway to travel an hour and a half to the farthest west stop of the entire subway system, aka the exact opposite side of the city, aka I want to break something because I've just spent over an hour riding the most crowded line in the system and being sandwiched between old Chinese migrant workers. Did I mention deodorant is not currently in use in this country? You might ask "what is so great that you'd be willing to do that every Friday rather than nap and be a lazy college student like usual?" Well, I have the distinct pleasure of teaching 30 Chinese college students who are going to school for animation the language of the crown. These students' levels of English fluency is equal to the average American first grader's fluency...in Spanish; and I don't mean a Texan or Arizonian first-grader. Having no experience teaching and working with a group of students with the maturity level of a 14 year-old has turned out to be...an absolute blast. The students watch movies (Kung Fu Panda, Finding Nemo and other fine Dreamworks productions) and then I come in and try to explain to them how to talk about animation, 3D imagery and why animated movies keep grossing billions of dollars in the U.S. I still haven't figured out the last one, but I have a lot of fun making up worksheets and games for them and seeing how excited they get when I throw candy around for their successes. Aside from the obvious joy that enlightening minds brings to my heart, they pay me about $25/hour for my two hours of work per week, and putting 300 kuai in your pocket right before the weekend is not the worst thing in the world...

Which brings me to my next item: What does an American 20-something do with his weekend evenings in Beijing? When is comes to going out, there are some great places to go, depending upon kind of trouble you want to get into, buuuuut you will have to wait, I promise to get into the details of these (with pictures, you demanding bastards) in my next post. However, those other five days of the week known as weekdays are still full of fun. Most nights I head straight from work to the gym. I'm really enjoying getting back into working out while in China, because even though I haven't done a bench press in well over a year, I'm still lifting about 10 times the weight of every Chinese guy around me (to be fair, I've got at least 50 pounds on most of them). However, every Tuesday most of us attend what's called "Fortune Club Beijing" meetings. It's basically a bunch of expats and Chinese young urban professionals (we'll call them Chuppies) meeting in a bar or restaurant, having drinks and hors d'oeuvres and engaging in guanxi.

What is guanxi?

Guanxi (关系）literally means "relations". One of my majors is International Relations, so I am studying guoji guanxi (国际关系). However, aside from it's literal meaning, guanxi is also the basis for all business relationships and networks in the country. "A friend of a friend is a friend" is what guanxi says. So if Dad Lavalli's college friend knows a random guy who sells real cubans, rather than buy them and give them to Dad, he just puts the two in contact and they are now friends. That may not sound too odd, but say cuban-seller knows a guy who owns a construction company. Even though he and Dad have met only once, Dad is immediately introduced and so on and so forth. Thus, guanxi also refers to the infinite network of social and business interactions and the notion that "we are all one". If I can help you out now, maybe you can help me out later, and if you can't maybe you know someone who can. Let's face it, people in the U.S. are not that open with their contacts. I was just referred by someone who works for our study abroad company (abroadchina.net) to a friend of hers, who happened to know a student at the school that was looking for an English teacher who then introduced me to the school's president, and three days later I'm teaching a bunch of little runts English. My boss describes is at nepotism at its finest, and I'm okay with that. Imagine if you were basically required to vouch for your relatives, siblings and friends no matter personal merit? Yikes. But such is the way of the guanxi, there is strong guanxi and weak guanxi and not following up on your guanxi, but there is no such thing as too much guanxi. So we go to these meetings, hand out over 30 business cards, get 20 e-mails within the next week just saying it was nice to meet you, you respond and you forever have countless connections to whatever business you could want. And if it doesn't come to that, we at least meet some expats to go party with! I will leave you with that, I am alive and well. E-mail and comment at your leisure, our guanxi depends on it.

P.S. For those of you that know it, I started a perpetual round of the " 'MERICA, FUCK YEAH" song from Team America (for those that don't, please YouTube it) at the pub during the latest world cup game. Being a typical "ugly" American needs to happen every once in a while, for those of you that don't agree, France is in need of some new soccer players and I suggest you go apply.

This IS my first rodeo...

Family and friends, this is my first ever blog. I've always thought they were stupid; if you really want to know what's going on with my life, ask me, call me, text me, e-mail me, facebook me, skype me or write me a damn letter, that's how I've always felt. However, those of you that attempt to keep in contact with me know that it's sometimes hard to reach me through any of those media, oh and I'm like 6000 miles away, thus my blog.

I'll start by getting you all acquainted with my situation, the more fun posts will follow, don't you worry.

After 40+ hours of travel, including a drive to Toronto and a 7 hour layover in the lovely city of Deeeeeetroit, Michigan, I arrived in Shanghai. It was dirty, I was smelly, and I hopped on a bus that took me another 45 minutes into the heart of the city and my lovely youth hostel. After two nights there and fighting my way through Expo crowds to get a train ticket, I took a train that traveled another 14 hours to Beijing. I arrived at the wrong station and waited another hour to be picked up before finally arriving at my hotel.

Sounds like hell huh? I absolutely loved it. There is no better feeling than knowing that all you have is your suitcase, your backpack and your iPod and you're officially planted in a foreign country, the largest country in the world, and trying to get from the largest city in the world, to the country's capital, it was a great feeling.

So my hotel is fine, no one speaks English but they love to try when you buy 3 kuai tall-boy bottles of beer or giant water bottles from them. We have restaurants and street food everywhere around us, including 1 kuai baozi and massive plates of kung pao chicken for 12 kuai. The room has enough space for everything, the water pressure is very strong, you just have to remember not to open your mouth while showering, lest you allow the toilet-flush-from-the-room-above-you that they call water get into your body. We have a water boiler thingy that boils two liters of water within about 2 minutes, and we buy ridiculous amount of bottled water. The plastic use is so unsustainable that I could wipe my tears on my baby sealskin hankerchief.

Toilet paper is given to you once a day, in quarter roll sizes. In China, using toilet paper is seen as living a high-carbon footprint lifestyle (can't wait to bring that one back to all my "green 'til I die" friends who I know also happen to like having clean arseholes), there's a picture in the subway on my way to work to prove how evil tp is, hilarious.

Sidenote: Haven't hooked my camera up yet, but you'll be blessed with some interesting shots soon enough.

My roommate's name is Nick, he's from the city formerly known as Ann Arbor. I think he really enjoyed it when we were explaining in Chinese what is around our houses back home and I said there was a farm across the street from mine, but he went to Pioneer, so I pray for his soul every night before bed.

In all actuality, I enjoy the people on my trip very much (4 of us total), they are just as easily bewildered with the little things about Chinese culture as I am. Out of the group of four, I am considered the best Chinese speaker, this scares me very much, but I don't let it show because street vendors can smell fear.

This is all you get for the day, I promise more details later and an actual purpose for my posts rather than just to tell you I'm alive.

Ah, and what good are we if we aren't learning things? Every post I'll teach you some pertinent Chinese, refer here when you see something bold and italicized to figure out wtf I'm talking about.

(kuai 块) is the colloquial term for money, which is formally referred to as (yuan 元), and can also be called (qian 钱) or (jin 金) Don't be confused though, be happy: One US Dollar currently exchanges for about 6.8RMB (That's renminbi 人民币，literally "People's Currency", yet another way to say money), meaning that giant bottles of beer are about 45 cents, and baozi is just 15 cents.

(baozi 包子) is a steamed bun, filled with either pork, beef, shrimp, chicken, vegetables (ick) or any combination of things. Baozi reached infamy in 2007 after people were selling baozi stuffed with soggy cardboard rather than meat...it took weeks for buyers to catch on, that tells you about their quality, but they are damn tasty and ten of them are still cheaper than a cardboard box in the U.S.